Aaaah...Grow up!

I read "The Zahir" recently…my bro recommended that to me a real long time back but its only recently that I finally got around to read it! And buoy, the timing couldn’t be better…at a time when the meaning of love, loyalty, fidelity… in my life is being redefined…"The Zahir" gives me perfect food for thought!
I remember a particular conversation in the book about love and fidelity...they are two different concepts which are often used together… but wat the author proposed was that these are different entities in themselves. Late last nite, I had a conversation with a friend regarding this…he’d long ago told me that love and sex are different, u mite love someone and somebody u had sex with can jst be an act of our most primal instinct, our life’s real purpose…raise the younger ones, till they time they find their mates and have kids and the circle continues….And it made sense! It got me thinking – is loyalty and fidelity really over-rated in society?? I was also of the opinion that Fidelity is definitely part of a romantic relationship…but is it important…can’t u be primal in your instincts and still be in love! Humans are animals, we’re more blessed than most other animals with the power to think and find purpose and communicate. But primarily , our function is to reproduce…it can be argued that there are far more worthy things to do in life…but I’m talking basic…point blank!

I’ll tell u wat I used to think, that I wanted to get into a relationship (physically) when I’m in love and it’s the most natural thing to do …and I thought that was supposed to guarantee u sumthing…like a pit stop in a race…that now u have gone 40 laps and u have another 20 to complete before u get married…and that’s it…that’s one race over! (For many these two pit stops can be kinda re-arranged.) But I’ve been there…done that…I know its hardly any guarantee, its not a stamp on a person, infact its absolutely nothing…its one of those ways we’ve been taught to think! Its jst a primal instincitive act…and that’s wat it is. Infact even a few days back, I used to think, this is one guy I crossed a threshold with, my pit stop…so now its on to the second…but its not going newhere….so what, I’ve got to make this work, coz I crossed my first pit stop and the only way to go now is to finish the race…get married! But it doesn’t culminate there…its not supposed to…infact it is as naive to think as a “happily ever after” story!

I don’t advocate promiscuous relationships but at the same time, I know there can be more people I can fall in love with…I don’t have to spend my entire life with sumone coz I decided to go ahead and take the plunge…
There are no guarantees in life…and the only thing constant is change…even in relationships, when u think u have crossed the final frontier….actually, there’s no final frontier!

Btw, I do recommend the book, it has an amazing take on the most important things in life...at some times it can resound through the hollowness of our thoughts and sometimes, it can give an entire new perspective to them! Do read it if u can get hold of it...

The beauty of purposelessness

A very good article I came across,
by NITHYANANDA SRI PARAMAHAMSA...sumthing pretty much in line with my last post:

"ACCORDING to the sacred Hindu scriptures, the Upanishads, as long as you work with ego, you will think that life has got a purpose and run behind the purpose.
When you realise the beauty of the purposelessness of life, you have dropped your ego. A man with ego searches with purposes and misses the reality. He misses the beauty of Existence.
The way you live your life you do not understand how purposeless it is. What you think as worthy is not worthy, what you think as being purposeful is not purposeful. Your ego constantly strives for purpose. In doing so it misses the reality of the present.
You need to understand the purposelessness of your goals and ambitions. What you think are the greatest treasures to obtain in this world are meaningless.
Desires for material assets grow each time a desire gets fulfilled. We are fuelled by fear, greed, lust and jealousy in constantly expanding our wants. These desires bring with it guilt and suffering. This is no life. This is not the purpose of life.
When you drop your goals in life, then you start realising the divine purpose, the divine play. You start enjoying the drama, without being part of it, and life becomes meaningful. You become a witness, and not a player, and bliss happens.
Living your life blissfully is the ultimate goal of your life. There can be no other goal or purpose. When you run after other goals you stop experiencing life; you are already dead. Your ego masks this true purpose of life from you. When you realise the purposelessness of what you do, a new consciousness awakens within, a joy fills you, Bliss simply happens.
Life itself is the path, not the goal. When you have a goal, you will run and when you run, your feet will not touch the ground and you will miss the beauty of Existence or nature. When you drop the goal, the emphasis will be on the path.
Sacrificing one’s life for the sake of the goal is not the way to live. If you live this way, only the payday will be sweet. Life has to be lived with satisfaction every moment. Else every time you achieve any goal, you will only repent that you have wasted life on something insignificant. Drop the goal and enjoy life."

I am India

I came across this very very fantastic video on a friend's orkut page!
I wanted as many people to watch it...its created by Bharat Bala and its an absolutely nice one!

Running Away...

Yes, I am doing that again...at least i was in the process of doing that again...running away to my safe haven. Every time that i have been faced with something which i can't think nemore about,I run away to this town where my friends stay, I groove in with their life...cry my heart out, drink like there's no tomorrow, call sumone to show my strength, but end up weaker...coming back in a few days only to realise that i have lost some more of my strength on the way,trying to leave it all behind...only nothing can be truly left behind till the time u choose to!

My life is back to where i started from afresh, some two years back...with my best friend on a new journey...the journey seems to have ended far too soon that i had imagined..and i am left by myself again!Looking back, I can say I did give it my all,but wasn't good enough i guess. I have to be content with that, there's nothing i can change.I am not going to swallow sleeping pills, or slash my wrist or jump off...if sympathy is what brings him back, then I'll be even more sure that I never deserved him!

Its been a week, and most of my friends don't know.Am not sure i want them to know,ne sympathy is surely going to take my smile away from me...am moments away from bursting, trying to absorb the best of my day...each of these days!

Though I have learnt one great lesson, to keep adding value to yourself, not in terms of what u mean to people, but do things that are important to you, coz those are the things that are truly yours and nobody can take that away from u.

But I have to start again, i thought i was right this time, turns out it takes more...i wait for tomorrow with my arms wide open...hoping it gives me more strength to carry on and chart my own path!I just hope i don't try running away again...

Who coined the word "compromise" ?

Relationships- they are so much about our choice in life. I once read in a magazine that there are as many as 500 perfect matches for a person. Its just that they are scattered all across the world. Then how can we settle on “the one”? The one is a choice we make, when we see someone who makes us stop in our tracks! You can be the CEO at office, but if you listen to somebody, that is “the one”. You don’t have a problem if you appear small to “the one”, you can paint the world red if “the one” wants, you can be on ur knees or you can jump off the tallest bridge…all to prove that he or she is “the one”. But at all these points you make the choices - to do something, to prove something, to make the other person feel something!

And after you are with “the one”- why do the choices disappear, why aren’t they in consideration anymore. Why cant you not go the movie if u don’t want to, why can’t you wear red if you want to, why can’t you go to a party thrown by your friend (that he/she doesn’t like)?? Why do we become chained to “have to” or “should” suddenly, when the reason you are together in the first place is because you wanted to! We all say, its about compromising – I’d say hell why?

You take on the entire world to be together and then you compromise….why oh why, did you make that choice???

It's all about money Honey!

An excerpt from 'Eleven Minutes' by Paulo Coelho

"....Money! A special piece of paper, decorated in sombre colours, which everyone agreed was worth something- and she believed it, everyone believed it – until you took a pile of that paper to a bank, a respectable, traditional, highly confidential Swiss bank and asked: ‘Could I buy back a few hours of my life?’ ‘No Madam, we don’t sell, we only buy!’

Maria was woken from her delirium by the sounds around her. ‘But this can’t be exactly an earth-shattering discovery. Everyone must know what I feel. They must know.’

But they didn’t. She looked around her. People were walking along, heads down, hurrying off to work, to school, to the employment agency, to Rue De Berne, telling themselves: ‘I can wait a little longer. I have a dream, but there’s no need to realize it today, besides I need to earn some money.’ Of course, everyone was spoke ill of her profession, but basically, it was all a question of selling her time, like everyone else. Doing things that she didn’t want to do, like everyone else. Putting up with horrible people, like everyone else. Handing over her precious body and her precious soul in the name of the future that never arrived, like everyone else. Saying that she still didn’t have enuf, like everyone else. Waiting just a little bit longer, like everyone else. Waiting so that she could earn just a little bit more, postponing the realization of her dream, she was too busy right now, she had great opportunities in front of her!.... "

Exactly why he is one of my favourite authors, he tries to get the world to discover things they already knew..but conveniently choose to forget again!

Jst Babbling...

"Life is wat happens when you are busy making other plans"

In the 22 years of my existence...i have made lotsa plans...right from when to study wat ( i remember a diary full of dates and time that i cud almost never stick to!), to planning my wardrobe for a trip ( half the clothes i carried, i never wore!), to planning how to appear dressed at my best ( this would involve very tedious plans...and it turns out 9 out of 10 times, that I'm either over or under dressed...can't strike the balance on that one yet!)
So my plans ended up going not the way i wud want them...so then i junked planning!

Being the optimist that I am... i though maybe living life for the moment is the right mantra! my life always had a simple principle...everyday is a brand new day! When I read "Gone with the Wind" a few months back, i realised this was a thought that me and Scarlett 'O' Hara shared. I got into the tribe of people who work hard and party harder...every new day was spend doing better than yesterday... days turned to weeks to months and the calender pages kept turning...till the time i was trying so hard at outdoing myself that I cudn't recollect if it was at all what i wanted to do!

So, what did i want to do... lemme see...

• I don't want big bucks...in fact I pity rich people who spend all their time earning the money and losing wat is imp in life...time!



• I don't want to be on top pf the corporate ladder, coz i know to be on the top, I have to displace sumbody... that is the easy part...but stying there, there'll be jst too many people waiting to displace me...and that's a harrowing thought!



• I wanna live life in peace...reading and dancing...my two passions in life...but to be able to do that I'd have to be too rich or marry too rich!

There can be more to wat i wanna do...but the idea as u see is pretty perplexing...I always thought I'd know this by the time I am 22. I'd magically be a smart young exec in office by the day, the rocker at nite, a mellow soul cuddled in my couch at my own home listening to soft instrumental, a bespectacled reader sipping tea at Cha Bar not bothered abt the world around her....but I'm nothing yet...and as much I chase them I don't come any closer.

The world around me says.."just be yourself"...but am not sure if I'd really want the world to know who I am...

I'm still trying to find out wat it is like to be " jst me"..