Monday, April 07, 2008

Is this me??

Its been so long that I looked back at my blog…somehow that’s always my first time. Its been so long that I actually do things that I really want to…I have lost something along the way and actually imbibed a lot of complexes doing things which aren’t really my forte…I dunno how I have got entangled in all this but its really starting to hurt in the sense that I have somewhere lost out on my life and I am living someone else’s. Sumone who goes out everyday, parties every weekend, wears the best and most in fashion clothes, has a latest pair of everything, huge social circle and living the life in high circles. But its bringing in more and more dissatisfaction in my daily life…my bank balance never seems enough and most of it even it increasing doesn’t really make me happy….I wanna run away and go on a holiday but then I have luxurious vacations planned 4 months ahead for which I need to save now…the best of fashion is burning a big hole in my pocket but it never seems enough.. my happy go lucky attitude has changed to a chic sophisticated one…is this what I really want? Am not really sure…I don’t find time to do the lil things that I used to do at my own pace…listen to lotsa music, all kinds of it, write my diary, laze around and read some books…I have lost it all sumhow.

And that brings me to think…did I lose it…did I will to lose it, or it jst happened…I did lose touch but I can’t say I didn’t have the time- jst that I so wanted to live that life and change my life so drastically that I don’t really remember what I really liked doing. I mean change is good, necessary but then balance is essential, which I have surely lost. I am not sure if I really want to b the sunglass-on-my-head girl roaming and being part of GK – I mean once in a while yes…but then not all the time- I’d never be able to keep up with them, these things don’t come naturally to me. I have to be reminded - wear a belt, black suits better, the bag is not matching, take the beads necklace, what happened to your hair…..aaargh…I am fed up! This isn’t my style…I would love to dress that way once in a while – maybe when going to select city walk, but not at other places…spare me the perfection! I can be the hippy….though its taught me a few good things…how to look good at all times, now I jst need to let go of the obsession to look good, jst be myself…and I guess I’ll still look good…I wonder if I was like this…I would have never survived out of college!

I guess the time tested testament stands true…everything in moderation is good…. And if that was so easy to achieve then it wouldn’t really have been wise words- all wise words are rather ideal situatios where its difficult to reach. And I guess living a dual life is also too much to ask – a happy go lucky (read junkie) chic person is unheard of…and I am not sure that’s easy to become…but then its about not becoming…or is it! Maybe invent my personal style…now that isn’t easy either…I can say, one thing hasn’t changed…my laziness.. looking for the shortest route out!
And as the mood goes, am rather nostalgic about my old self…hence “Time of your Life” by Green Day…an awesum song!

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