more than words!

i had written abt how much sense a moment of confusion makes...and its jst sad that we ignore that thinking saying it doesn't make sense...
its many times, more than one thought that makes sense...bt u dnt wanna believe it...u banish it...bt it stays there...and u never lose it completely...atleast i don't!
i lived thru with sumthing thinking i didn't wanna believe in...bt in the back of my mind...i never gave up...i still believed in it..being true...without ever thinking...or realising it was or wasn't...and today it stares me in the face...and it feels the same...i knew it was here...i jst chose to never think abt it....to conciously believe in it...
bt today i do...and i know this is the truth...and nothing bt the truth...coz there's nothing like it...nothing that makes me feel alive and love life so much...and wait for tomorrow!

2 months in Namma Bengaluru

been a month again before i got back to writing a blog....that too inspired by Vijay's mail on his story abt Reboot-2008. Well written dude....i loved the sabrimalay part...too cool....
i won't write particularly on reboot though....generally abt my last two months at work...they have been quite a time...flew away before i cud stop and realise....bt awesum nonetheless....
so today I am thinking i'd count the blessings of being in Bangalore:
1. My job - i love it....it can be a bit too much bt i get to meet so so many people, touch their lives...and this is what i wanted to do for so so long....it jst can get better from here....
2. My friends, my extended family - so many thanks to my old friends in the city and from delhi - I am never alone...and being in a distant city, this is the best thing to happen....
3. My flat - right next to the airport....the old one in bangalore....i can see fighter jects taking off from my bed ....i mean how many people have that fortune...
4. My flatmate - super sweet aand very nice.....

Now to things that I haven't done before:
1. Stayed at the company guesthouse for 20 days - an obvious first
2. Took a local bus in an unknown city at 10:30 - coz i figured it'd be safer than a bus...conviniently forgetting the half a km of walk that i had to do once i got down...nightmarish!
3. Went to a club, overdressed for a chnage....follwoing delhi standards...
4. Went for drinks with 1 friend and 15 acquintances and then going to someone's place whom i don't even know...and haveing a blast till 4 am
5. comes close to point 4, door being knocked by cops at 4 am, coz we all were loud....
6. going for a fashion show....though i was in delhi...never got to do that in delhi....
7. drink....at random friend's houses till 4 am an entire weekend...6 am on a particular one...
8. buy shoes worth 6 k
9. drive...8 people in a maruti car......
10. get to a farmhouse party....rocking music and bring your booze types...and have absolutely nothing to drink and hence sky gaze instead....
11. this same party getting busted....
12. have a firang flatmate....while at the guest house....get to meet his even cuter german friends....sigh!
13. air kissing while at the fashion show....
14. go to an anniversary party....for a nightclub and have a member's invite to it...i mean all these last months i have partied like crazy without ever paying an entry to that place...my awesum friends and friends of friends...
15. be on page 3 in bangalore times....didn't believe it really....i mean 24 years in delhi and nothing happened and 2 months in bangalore and straight to page 3.
16. went to a charity event for kids....
17. went out with my office dance troupe...for a fundraiser....
18. went to an inter-corporate fest with an entourage of 20 people and had a great great time.....we were out for almost 20 hours....bt it was great! I am hoping to make some new friends and going forward not eat lunch alone in the cafeteria nemore....
19. being invited to a b'day party...when i knew him for almost exactly 24 hours....
20. having 3 straight tequila shots and rum...and then not knowing when the cake was cut even though people remmeber me as being right there....
21. wanting fresh air and walking out at 4 am i nthe morning....with another new friend...roaming the closed markets like ghosts....
22. this one shud be right at the top...experimenting with my hair...after atleast 9-10 years of the same kinda hairstyles...i cut my hair very short witin a week of getting to bangalore...has kinda given me,and my personality, a fresh breath of life....

22 things that i cud remmeber in 2 months...not a bad count at all....am living and loving it and there's no ther way that i'd rather have it.....

New and Improved - Now in Bangalore!

Have moved to Bengaluru a month back...or was it a lil more than that...took a long long time to settle down here and as usual loving it...wudn't say i had to move because of work...I chose to move and what a decision this has been....in the past 1 month, I have done so many kinds of things which I wouldn't have managed to do in any other role...all in all loving it so so much....i can't start explaining....
life has turned more pragmatic and realistic after the move here...of course living alone in another city is quite a teacher...and so it has been for me...and i like that thing abt this...adjusting to the city is not difficult...i like the anonymity and at the same identify it as the city as the only place outside of new delhi that I have had so much fun in...i have always really liked this city and that is something that has made the transition like so much easier...traffic is a killer but then a rose has thorns...so goes without saying...nothing can be done abt it...weekends are a breeze though...
also moving into a city that I hav visited for ages has given me some good friends...some road identification and a sense of basic getting around the city...and hence my weekends are packed...and gawd i love that so much abt being here...otherwise its a pain to stay in an empty house...
coming to the point of house..u have to know how much i love my new house...its a pain to walk to the bus stop every morning...bt what cud i not do for these killer views of the airport runway 24*7 ...especially in bangalore's great weather...its awesum....will post some pics..as soon as I can...and my flat mate is also pretty nice...touch wood!
much more to write about...bt in the coming editions....

IPL : Big game, Big Money...

Have you seen the new vides for all the IPL league teams... crores of rupees spent on "buying" the "auctioned" players...and now the videos for each team....the money spent on this one sport...that too not national is enough to sponsor all sports for I guess an entire year! I mean money...money...money , and deserving players are going crazy looking for sponsors just because they chose to rifle shoot or do boxing instead of play cricket. Well here's all the video's incase u haven't checked them out yet..... of by the way- I forgot paying for the airtime, prime time airtime that these videos are being aired on....

The Official DLF Indian Premier League Promo



Deccan Chargers



Kolkata Knight Riders

Out of hibernation...finally!

I think it’s the right time to come out of hibernation now….the last few months have been so fast, so busy and so so much has actually happened….we had the annual festival at work yesterday…a rather star studded event..Kunal Ganjawala and Anushka Manchanda….loud, fun party for all and culmination of 4 months of rather hard work for my team, doubled as a lot of things and ended up being security in charge in a small area…but I had the best time looking at people who were all having a great time and suddenly that’s want mattered! And my best friend at work got married the same day…was there for her wedding…and wat a feeling…rather ecstatic, I am so happy for her…am so happy for them both….I don’t have pic, otherwise I’d have put it up here!

The last few months made me feel that life is not abt all the big things- sure ambition and success are important, but what matters at the end of the day is living for today and enjoying it immensely – that’s precisely what I had been doing for the last few moths. I initially started writing coz there was some void in my life – my relationships, friends, life, work- something missing and then I had fulfillment- each and every day was better than before! I immensely enjoy work and it shows, within 4 months I have gone from becoming an under performer to an over achiever…I have already achieved my goals and new ones are being set in place and what a feeling! And I just realized that we all are good, but we can’t be good in everything we do, there are thing we are absolutely great at and some things pathetic at…but we should take pride in that and hope for things and time to give us opportunities so that we could do things we like…work is not about superheroes…and everyone has weaknesses, and its okay ….that’s how we are!

And I rediscovered love, at least another meaning which I couldn’t find in all these years…from being fiercely independent to rather basking in the glory of being loved – I have take to being with someone all the time, and never get enough of it. that’s rather unusual…an with it has come insecurity and jealousy which I am keeping at bay…coz from my past I have learned that nothing that is perfect stays the same for very long, and in pursuing sustenance, I have lost…but this time its about being absolutely me and not worrying much and every might I know I might wake up to change tomorrow, or I might just wake up to being more familiar…but I am glad I spent today that way that I did!

Written too much in one post…would get back to being regular now…and here’s a special dedication to my friends who are now settled in blissful matrimony – your love story makes me believe that its just about taking a step at a time and knowing all the way that u can!

Congratulations Mr. And Mrs. Jhingan!

This is especially for you….

What women want!!

Oh well, this is absolutely the kind of stuff that I know girls wud want guys to know….the sweet nothings, which one can never put in words but which mean so much! I am putting it up here coz I believe in social service….

Dream on....

“The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. stone crumbles. wood rots. people, well, they die. But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on.” - Chuck Palahniuk

And its carrying on and moving forward that’s life. We see people with a big broad smile, we see people with a perpetual brood, and the difference lies not in how their lives are shaped, but how they want to see it! My concepts, my beliefs…my confidence in making the best of my day… today and tomorrow is wat brings a smile to me. I have a dream….that gives me all – passion, excitement, courage…. and much much more!

Song on my mind right now…. Junoon – By Abhijeet Sawant

Aaaah...Grow up!

I read "The Zahir" recently…my bro recommended that to me a real long time back but its only recently that I finally got around to read it! And buoy, the timing couldn’t be better…at a time when the meaning of love, loyalty, fidelity… in my life is being redefined…"The Zahir" gives me perfect food for thought!
I remember a particular conversation in the book about love and fidelity...they are two different concepts which are often used together… but wat the author proposed was that these are different entities in themselves. Late last nite, I had a conversation with a friend regarding this…he’d long ago told me that love and sex are different, u mite love someone and somebody u had sex with can jst be an act of our most primal instinct, our life’s real purpose…raise the younger ones, till they time they find their mates and have kids and the circle continues….And it made sense! It got me thinking – is loyalty and fidelity really over-rated in society?? I was also of the opinion that Fidelity is definitely part of a romantic relationship…but is it important…can’t u be primal in your instincts and still be in love! Humans are animals, we’re more blessed than most other animals with the power to think and find purpose and communicate. But primarily , our function is to reproduce…it can be argued that there are far more worthy things to do in life…but I’m talking basic…point blank!

I’ll tell u wat I used to think, that I wanted to get into a relationship (physically) when I’m in love and it’s the most natural thing to do …and I thought that was supposed to guarantee u sumthing…like a pit stop in a race…that now u have gone 40 laps and u have another 20 to complete before u get married…and that’s it…that’s one race over! (For many these two pit stops can be kinda re-arranged.) But I’ve been there…done that…I know its hardly any guarantee, its not a stamp on a person, infact its absolutely nothing…its one of those ways we’ve been taught to think! Its jst a primal instincitive act…and that’s wat it is. Infact even a few days back, I used to think, this is one guy I crossed a threshold with, my pit stop…so now its on to the second…but its not going newhere….so what, I’ve got to make this work, coz I crossed my first pit stop and the only way to go now is to finish the race…get married! But it doesn’t culminate there…its not supposed to…infact it is as naive to think as a “happily ever after” story!

I don’t advocate promiscuous relationships but at the same time, I know there can be more people I can fall in love with…I don’t have to spend my entire life with sumone coz I decided to go ahead and take the plunge…
There are no guarantees in life…and the only thing constant is change…even in relationships, when u think u have crossed the final frontier….actually, there’s no final frontier!

Btw, I do recommend the book, it has an amazing take on the most important things in life...at some times it can resound through the hollowness of our thoughts and sometimes, it can give an entire new perspective to them! Do read it if u can get hold of it...

I am India

I came across this very very fantastic video on a friend's orkut page!
I wanted as many people to watch it...its created by Bharat Bala and its an absolutely nice one!

Jst Babbling...

"Life is wat happens when you are busy making other plans"

In the 22 years of my existence...i have made lotsa plans...right from when to study wat ( i remember a diary full of dates and time that i cud almost never stick to!), to planning my wardrobe for a trip ( half the clothes i carried, i never wore!), to planning how to appear dressed at my best ( this would involve very tedious plans...and it turns out 9 out of 10 times, that I'm either over or under dressed...can't strike the balance on that one yet!)
So my plans ended up going not the way i wud want them...so then i junked planning!

Being the optimist that I am... i though maybe living life for the moment is the right mantra! my life always had a simple principle...everyday is a brand new day! When I read "Gone with the Wind" a few months back, i realised this was a thought that me and Scarlett 'O' Hara shared. I got into the tribe of people who work hard and party harder...every new day was spend doing better than yesterday... days turned to weeks to months and the calender pages kept turning...till the time i was trying so hard at outdoing myself that I cudn't recollect if it was at all what i wanted to do!

So, what did i want to do... lemme see...

• I don't want big bucks...in fact I pity rich people who spend all their time earning the money and losing wat is imp in life...time!



• I don't want to be on top pf the corporate ladder, coz i know to be on the top, I have to displace sumbody... that is the easy part...but stying there, there'll be jst too many people waiting to displace me...and that's a harrowing thought!



• I wanna live life in peace...reading and dancing...my two passions in life...but to be able to do that I'd have to be too rich or marry too rich!

There can be more to wat i wanna do...but the idea as u see is pretty perplexing...I always thought I'd know this by the time I am 22. I'd magically be a smart young exec in office by the day, the rocker at nite, a mellow soul cuddled in my couch at my own home listening to soft instrumental, a bespectacled reader sipping tea at Cha Bar not bothered abt the world around her....but I'm nothing yet...and as much I chase them I don't come any closer.

The world around me says.."just be yourself"...but am not sure if I'd really want the world to know who I am...

I'm still trying to find out wat it is like to be " jst me"..