more than words!

i had written abt how much sense a moment of confusion makes...and its jst sad that we ignore that thinking saying it doesn't make sense...
its many times, more than one thought that makes sense...bt u dnt wanna believe it...u banish it...bt it stays there...and u never lose it completely...atleast i don't!
i lived thru with sumthing thinking i didn't wanna believe in...bt in the back of my mind...i never gave up...i still believed in it..being true...without ever thinking...or realising it was or wasn't...and today it stares me in the face...and it feels the same...i knew it was here...i jst chose to never think abt it....to conciously believe in it...
bt today i do...and i know this is the truth...and nothing bt the truth...coz there's nothing like it...nothing that makes me feel alive and love life so much...and wait for tomorrow!

Out of hibernation...finally!

I think it’s the right time to come out of hibernation now….the last few months have been so fast, so busy and so so much has actually happened….we had the annual festival at work yesterday…a rather star studded event..Kunal Ganjawala and Anushka Manchanda….loud, fun party for all and culmination of 4 months of rather hard work for my team, doubled as a lot of things and ended up being security in charge in a small area…but I had the best time looking at people who were all having a great time and suddenly that’s want mattered! And my best friend at work got married the same day…was there for her wedding…and wat a feeling…rather ecstatic, I am so happy for her…am so happy for them both….I don’t have pic, otherwise I’d have put it up here!

The last few months made me feel that life is not abt all the big things- sure ambition and success are important, but what matters at the end of the day is living for today and enjoying it immensely – that’s precisely what I had been doing for the last few moths. I initially started writing coz there was some void in my life – my relationships, friends, life, work- something missing and then I had fulfillment- each and every day was better than before! I immensely enjoy work and it shows, within 4 months I have gone from becoming an under performer to an over achiever…I have already achieved my goals and new ones are being set in place and what a feeling! And I just realized that we all are good, but we can’t be good in everything we do, there are thing we are absolutely great at and some things pathetic at…but we should take pride in that and hope for things and time to give us opportunities so that we could do things we like…work is not about superheroes…and everyone has weaknesses, and its okay ….that’s how we are!

And I rediscovered love, at least another meaning which I couldn’t find in all these years…from being fiercely independent to rather basking in the glory of being loved – I have take to being with someone all the time, and never get enough of it. that’s rather unusual…an with it has come insecurity and jealousy which I am keeping at bay…coz from my past I have learned that nothing that is perfect stays the same for very long, and in pursuing sustenance, I have lost…but this time its about being absolutely me and not worrying much and every might I know I might wake up to change tomorrow, or I might just wake up to being more familiar…but I am glad I spent today that way that I did!

Written too much in one post…would get back to being regular now…and here’s a special dedication to my friends who are now settled in blissful matrimony – your love story makes me believe that its just about taking a step at a time and knowing all the way that u can!

Congratulations Mr. And Mrs. Jhingan!

This is especially for you….

Nostalgia grips MOI....

I remember the time, when I used to sit in my physics class…and wonder when the 45 minutes would end, coz it seemed like an eternity….and now in the past few years, how life has run me over with its high speeds, leaving not even a moment to catch my breath…and whenever I do stop, and look back and I see all that I have left behind with time, I wonder if it’s the same life….old times, friends…love!


Wat I look back at with most amazement is love….how fast did we go through it…those initial glances…to actually speaking…then to try and get hold of the number (landline in the good old days) …thinking of a good excuse (usually it falls face flat…no matter how much u think!)…a blank call, if the mom/dad picks up…then you curl the wire around your fingers…waiting….and then call again, picks up…put up the excuse ( it already sounds so lame in your head!), but they buy it neway ….then pacing up and down the room as the conversation moves away…. Mom screaming and sister nagging….doesn’t matter…a few more minutes of bliss…Dad walks in, phone goes on Mute…they ask if something is wrong… say “nothin” with the most cheerful voice…know that it has to end now, you say bye, they say bye….then small talk again, abt when you meet in class next and what notes to give…more wire twisting ( there’s not much left of it!) and then byes again…good nite and sweet dreams (even if its bloody evening!)…and the phone is kept….big smile…mom still screaming, sister still nagging…but it doesn’t mean nething nemore…smile remains….I’ve just known wat heaven feels like….



And to think…I’ve lived throught it…and its all history now….Time flies….but memories remain….and what wonderful memories….

Running Away...

Yes, I am doing that again...at least i was in the process of doing that again...running away to my safe haven. Every time that i have been faced with something which i can't think nemore about,I run away to this town where my friends stay, I groove in with their life...cry my heart out, drink like there's no tomorrow, call sumone to show my strength, but end up weaker...coming back in a few days only to realise that i have lost some more of my strength on the way,trying to leave it all behind...only nothing can be truly left behind till the time u choose to!

My life is back to where i started from afresh, some two years back...with my best friend on a new journey...the journey seems to have ended far too soon that i had imagined..and i am left by myself again!Looking back, I can say I did give it my all,but wasn't good enough i guess. I have to be content with that, there's nothing i can change.I am not going to swallow sleeping pills, or slash my wrist or jump off...if sympathy is what brings him back, then I'll be even more sure that I never deserved him!

Its been a week, and most of my friends don't know.Am not sure i want them to know,ne sympathy is surely going to take my smile away from me...am moments away from bursting, trying to absorb the best of my day...each of these days!

Though I have learnt one great lesson, to keep adding value to yourself, not in terms of what u mean to people, but do things that are important to you, coz those are the things that are truly yours and nobody can take that away from u.

But I have to start again, i thought i was right this time, turns out it takes more...i wait for tomorrow with my arms wide open...hoping it gives me more strength to carry on and chart my own path!I just hope i don't try running away again...